I have always had nicknames, and (until relatively recently) always despised them. Starting from some guy in reception calling me 'Hat-trick', all the way up to current variations, welcome to a timeline of what people have chosen to call me:

Hat-Trick

Started in reception, and is (for a five-year-old) at least a relatively good pun. Alas, my footballing ability never quite lived up to the name, so it had to go.

Paddy

When I lived in Hong Kong and heard this name for the first time, I was convinced that it was the most foul thing someone could call me. I hated it, the way it sounded, how it looks written down... Unfortunately, I made the mistake of telling people this, so naturally it stuck. I'm actually rather fond of it these days, though not many use it.

Obi-Wan Quinnobi

The less said about this nickname from Malaysia, the better, I feel.

P-A-Double-D (Lookin' so Lovely)

To the tune of Snoop-Dogg's 'D-O-Double-G', an inspired take.

PQ

Not a nickname, per se, but notable as I've only been called it by the most important people in my life. Strange, that...

Patters

And so we move on to college, where (unless my memory fails me) Ricky gave me this name. Rather annoyingly, I was going out with 'Pitters' and the time, so we were 'Pitters and Patters'. Alas, I actually quite like this one, there's something inherently friendly and fun about it.

(The) Maverick

A work nickname from the Stenlake-era, due to my (alleged) rebellious nature on the closes at work. Stuck around for a year or so, disappeared along with the attitude... ;)

Big P

Another Stenlake creation, sometimes altered into 'Big Papa P', and is the nickname currently I am most known by. And I have to say, I quite like it - as I explained to someone when they asked if it wasn't offensive - "you'd have to be pretty stupid to not notice I'm a big man".

P-Dawg

Credit goes to Alex here at Heriot-Watt for this one. I'm undecided, and we shall see.